12 April 2010

shabby me

i woke up yesterday around 6:30am. when i went to the bathroom, i felt that strange dizziness. my head is spinning, so i went to bed again instead of going to the kitchen. i dont know why i feel so dizzy. maybe because i haven't slept well last saturday. maybe my blood pressure's low. my hub prepared breakfast, but i didn't eat right away. i can't stand well. i feel so bad. lot of things to do, but i can't simply move. otherwise, i'll fall down with this nausea. i instructed my son to finish his other assignments. i know he's been "stressed" the last few days for the many math problems & assignments we've done. there are still two pages to study on his history subject and an italian poem to memorize. i dont know why teachers always give loads of assignments during vacation. it's not really vacation for the kids.

jaki just stared at his books. i asked him again to finish them all. --silence-- nothing... he never speak a word. he got his jacket and headed at the door. i don't know where he learn to walk away like that. i yelled, "dove vai?" (where are you going?). he said, "tu mi tratta male, mamma" (you're treating me bad ma), "me ne vado" (i will go away). i didn't expect this kind of reaction. i was feeling so dizzy and my son's walking out of me? so i can't help it, i yelled again, "jaki, lo sai che non sto bene eh, voglio che tu finisce tutto, cosi poi riposare e sei gia pronto per lunedi. sto cercando di auitarti, anche se mi gira la testa" (you know that i'm not feeling so well and i want you to finish everything, so you can rest and be ready for monday. i'm trying to help even i'm sick)

i never meant to yell at him. i just feel my head spinning and i feel like vomitting.i just found myself crying. after some minutes, jaki approached me: "mamma, scusami" (Ma, i'm sorry). i said sorry too, for the yelling, then i hugged him. he kissed me and he cried too. i explained to him that finishing his assignments is not for me, but for him. i felt good inside because my son said sorry. i taught him to apologize if he has done wrong. and i guess he remembered it well. he's smart enough to know good and bad actions.

i never thought my sunday morning could be a tearjerker. i was in bed the whole day, never even took dinner, nor touched my laptop.

i just hate being shabby...

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