01 September 2010

art of marriage

My husband and i were together for 13 years now. i guess i still have too many things to learn about our relationship. marriage i believe is a lifetime analysis.

i want to share some thoughts from this book by Catherine Blyth that i just recently read.


To marry is not only the greatest compliment that you can pay someone, but also liberally repaid by the extended possibilities of living in partnership. To stay side by side without running aground, to keep true to the course, is more than a moral victory, but a sweet one. it proves that what we set out to do in life, we will. with a little help from our spouse.

Marry and we draw a line around our relationship. whatever our efforts, our gains, losses and longings, if we hold this line we have made something more of the passage of our days, something that nobody else can touch, and that only we can share. A marriage.

The A-Z of Marriage

A - Anniversaries. It is always the best to remember special day like this.

B - Bathing. Others say separate bathrooms save marriages. if you have no chance to have that. then respects each other's habits such as some minor irritants (used towels on floors or leaving the toothpaste cap off)

C - Celebrations. Relax, remake traditions, graft yours on to your spouse's and the seasons' rituals can bring many happy returns.

D - Drink. It is invariably contentious if one is having fun, but the other is not. couples who drink the same amount are more affetionate.

E - Entertainment. The battle of the television remote control used to be the testing ground for domestic supremacy. take some time to watch what she/he like.

F - Food. Food is about power. it has a nasty tendency to bring out honesty too. None can disguise the look of disgust. if you're opinionated non-cook, use praise creatively.

G - Games. games are good for venting stress and indulging in vicariously marital warfare.

H - Habits. Habits are not static. they migrate, because humans mimic each other. so if a spouse picks and chews, either you will want to hit them, or find yourself picking and chewing too.

I - Idling. Sometimes it pays to just laze around with the spouse.

J - Jokes. an essential marital shock absorber is the in-joke. all marriages are sitcoms, so all of us need catchphrases. develop a few lines, code names for dreadful relations perhaps,and a selection of funny stories beginning with the words..."remember when..."

K - Kissing. it is claimed that husbands who kiss their wives before leaving home in the morning live five years longer than those who don't. i cannot verify this claim, but would you not rather be safe than sorry?

L - Love Letters. Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage. but a little insanity is a fine thing in marriage. to top up the supply we have love letters.

M - Music. If you can play it, fantastic. If you can duet, to die for. If you must resort to Ipod, do. so often about love, music is perfect for creating mood.

N - No. A word that has wide uses, but is rarely endearing to spouses. interestingly, studies find that few refusals actually contains the word no.

P - Pets. Like children, pets can unite couples or wage war on their union.

Q - Quiz. Quizzing and interrogating a spouse opens emotional quagmires. Pub quizzes, on the other hand, are fine; unless you lose.

R - Rituals. All couples do well to form shared rituals, to become more conscious, ceremonial, instead of falling into habit.

S - Shopping. Shopping became a semi-professional female sport when women ceased to make items because it was cheaper to buy them. Harvard discovered that thise whi splurge are happier than scrimpers and savers.

T - Technology. It is always worth asking whether our modern conveniences are truly convenient. Communication tools bring us together, but sometimes drive us apart.

U - Universe. feeling down? look up at the stars and gain a sense of proportion.

V - Vice. For vices to enhance rather than impair a union, try to ensure that yours are compatible.

W - Weekends. weekends are sacred, but often not as nice as they should be, with those tugs of war over shared time, me-time, chore-time. try to balance it.

X - X-factor. as far as the Ex is concerned, certain rights continue.to marry a divrocee, is to marry their ex too.

Y - Yes. Just say yes. it saves time.

Z - Zoning out. Let your spouses make Zzzzzs even watching tv. This is a perfect opportunity to ask them questions and secure consent to contentious proposals, like that holiday with your parents. =)

(Ma, is that some kind of a fairy tale?)

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